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Deviant for 17 Years
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     My life, the past six months, has had its ups and downs, just like anyone else's life. At times I think I've never been as happy than I ever have been in my entire life. Unfortunately, I've felt the exact opposite feelings, too. I guess, right now, this is some-what of a pause I'm taking from the world, from my life, and from reality, to slow down and look from the outside inward from a different perspective.
     To be honest, I haven't been acting like myself. Every now and then I will get comments from random people telling me I've changed, not always meaning in a bad or foolish way, but just as a person. Now that I've taken time to realize it, I actually have in a number of ways… First of all, I think I've become less patient around my friends and family. I sometimes get in the state of mind where I expect other people to be as quick or up-to-speed as I am, with almost everything I do that has to do with other people, and I get impatient very easily. Sometimes I raise my voice out of frustration and sometimes I just give up. I've come to realize and, recently, tell myself, "That's not me." I've also noticed that I haven't been putting God a number one priority in my life, and that other things have sort of floated up there and become just as important as He is. I ask myself "Why? Why have I let this happen," and I can't even answer my own question. I think events that have happened in the past have made me think about things more frequently than others, such as the passing of my grandfather; makes you think about what you take for granted in this life. I guess you sort of get caught up in reality and things begin to sink in and things that shouldn't be one of your priorities becomes one. Sometimes you just get so caught up in the world that you don't exactly know where you are, but always, no matter what the situation, there is help. Most of the time it takes for you to slow down life and take a long stare at what and where you are at that point in your life. You will most likely make some changes, but don't change immediately. It takes time. I've learned to let time heal its self. But it also means that you have to put forth an effort to change your ways, too.
     I really don't know where I'm going with all of this; I'm not sure what point I'm trying to make. I've sort of jumped from one rock to another about totally random things. If you know me, you probably understand that that's how my mind works - Ha. But on a serious note, I think the past six months has been a big "roller-coaster" and obviously has taken me all over the place. Right now, the attitude I have toward myself is not to impress anyone else or not to show anyone what I am all about… Right now the focus in my head is that number one priority and number one spot of importance; God. I guess (yet I really don't know how) that's what all of this comes down to; what I need to touch up on and what I need to change… Try taking some time for yourself sometime; it helps clear up a lot… - Take it easy

- drew


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